Subj: FUNNY DEFINITIONS ABOUT PEOPLE  

A Bachelor is a man who:
        -always aims to squeeze.
        -always went on double dates in college.
        -avoids bride-eyed women.
        -believes in life, liberty and the happiness of pursuit.
        -believes in wine, women and so-long.
        -believes that one can live as cheaply as two.
        -can forget his mistakes.
        -can get into bed from either side.
        -can go fishing anytime, until he gets hooked.
        -can have a girl on his knee without having her on his hands.
        -can leave his socks and wallet lying around the house.
        -can open his wallet without turning his head.
        -can take a nap on top of the bedspread.
        -can tell his symptoms to his doctor without having his wife
         interrupt.
        -can use his home phone whenever he wants.
        -can't be spouse-broken.
        -can't stand the strain of a wife.
        -cheated some woman out of a divorce.
        -comes to work every morning from a different direction.
        -doesn't get around to marrying.  He just gets around.
        -doesn't have to leave the party when he starts having a good
         time.
        -expects to marry just as soon as he finds a girl who loves him
         as much as he loves himself.
        -failed to embrace his opportunities.
        -gets tangled up with a lot of women in order to avoid getting
         tied down to one.
        -is a free male.
        -is a permanent temptation.
        -is a rolling stone that gathers no boss.
        -is allergic to wedding cakes.
        -is crazy to get married and knows it.
        -is foot-loose and family-free.
        -is known as a dame dropper.
        -is looking for a date with no apron attached.
        -is never miss-taken.
        -is not missing anything in life except a few buttons on his
         shirt.
        -knows all the ankles.
        -knows how to hold a woman's hand so that she doesn't get a grip
         on him.
        -knows if he has a steady girl on the string he may wind up on a
         leash.
        -knows more about women than men.  That's why he is a bachelor.
        -leans toward a woman but not far enough to fall.
        -likes his girl friend just the way she is...single!!!!
        -looks, but does not leap.
        -never chases a woman he couldn't outrun.
        -never knows whom the next kiss is coming from.
        -never makes the same mistake once.
        -never met a girl he couldn't live without.
        -never Mrs. anything.
        -never says, "I'll give you a ring tomorrow!"
        -plays the game of love and manages to retain his amateur
         standing.
        -prefers ripe tomatoes with little dressing.
        -thinks he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever.
        -travels fastest in a parked car.
        -tries to avoid the issue.
        -usually has his hands full trying to loosen a woman's grip.
        -wakes up in the morning with all of the blankets.
        -washes only one set of dishes.
        -when a girl asks him for a diamond ring, he turns stone-deaf.
        -when he opens the window in his apartment, more dust blows out
         than in.
        -would rather mend his socks than his ways.
        -won't take `yes' for an answer.
        -would rather change girls than change their names.
        -would rather cook his own goose.
        -would rather have a woman on his mind than on his neck.
        -wouldn't change his quarter for a better half.